Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Things to Worry About on Tuesday
Little Andrew, the Nose / America’s clumsiest judge / Netherlands’s solution to unemployment: reincarnation / Padded bras for little girls / And more!

Creme de la Weird
Update, from NOTW M035, 12-9-2007:
An Indonesian fisherman, Dede, age 35, is in reasonably good health except that his hands and feet resemble something out of the “Alien” movie series, with huge root-like growths that render his arms and legs useless, according to a November Discovery Channel TV program, “Half Man, Half Tree,” reported on by London’s Daily Telegraph. Dermatologist Anthony Gaspari of the University of Maryland flew to Indonesia and determined that Dede’s condition was caused by a genetic inability to restrain the growth of warts (“cutaneous horns”) produced by the human papilloma virus. Gaspari prescribed a regimen of vitamin A, which he said should reduce the size of the warts enough so that, with surgery, Dede could eventually use his hands again.
The Daily Telegraph reports back this week that Dede is improving, with about 4 lbs. of warts surgically removed from his legs and feet so far and a few more from his hands, allowing him to indulge his sudoko habit, and there is a range of before-and-after photos [with, as usual, Yr Editor’s Not Safe for Stomachs warning].

Civilization in Decline
It’s the Age of the New Age: (1) In Maastricht, Netherlands, the local gov’t, trying out a new strategy for the long-term unemployed, paid the equivalent of almost $1,500 to send one woman on a 10-week psychotherapy session to visit her “past lives,” to help enlighten her as to why she can’t get a job. [Supply own punch line] (2) At Mab Lane Primary school in Liverpool, they claim great success in sending kids (and their parents, if they wish) to twice-weekly shoulder/back-massage sessions, which they promise will “boost their emotional well-being, self-esteem, and working on [sic] giving the children the ‘I Can’ factor.” (3) Britain’s Tesco supermarket (which last yr sold a pole-dancing kit for little girls) is back with padded bras for girls as young as 7 (“very low bridge connecting the cups,” “the shape and position is lower to expose the breast tissue,” says a critic). (4) Switzerland’s federal Ethics Committee on non-human Gene Technology condemned the “arbitrary” killing of plants.

The Human Condition Today
Brooklyn, N.Y., judge Jack Battaglia said he’s about to file a $1m lawsuit against the city (and the cleaning lady in his building) because he slipped on a wet floor and busted his knee last November.

Your Daily Loser
Australian Ahmed Jalloul, 20, was convicted of robbing a post office in Adelaide (done in by the fact that he had nervously hurled on the floor during the job, thus leaving his DNA behind).

Your Daily Jury Duty
[no fair examining the evidence; verdict based on mugshot only]
Danny Shelton, 55, who might have had a video on his computer of a young relative undressing

Andrew Dahl, 13, Pasco, Wash., wants the Guinness Book record: 213 balloons inflated in one hour, blown up without benefit of his mouth, just his nose . . . . . Just added to the Orlando theme parks (for your next visit): Colon-land, a 20-ft-long replica of the human you-know-what, sponsored by a cancer research foundation . . . . . A couple dozen German dope smokers got punked by a dealer who had added 10 percent lead to the product, (a) increasing the weight, (b) endangering the smokers’ lives, and most important, c) ruining their innocence.

The Washington Post’s crack weird-news reporter Karl Vick paid a visit to Provo, Utah, to check out that waterboarding lawsuit [NOTW Daily, 2-29-2008], where the company was trying to pressure its sales force to sell, sell, sell, and in a “team-building” exercise, almost drowned Chad Hudgens. “I don’t know if this would even be an issue if it weren’t for Guantanamo bay,” said the company’s lawyer. From what we know so far, Hudgens took it better than Khalid Sheikh Mohammed.

Professor Music’s Weird Links
Not today. Maybe tomorrow.™

NOTW, The Blog
(1) Erroror: “Stephenson,” Tex., in yesterday’s Creme [4-14-2008], does not exist; “Stephenville,” Tex., though, now, there’s a town for ya. (2) Admin. Note: Yr Editor’s regular computer, with all the unanswered recent e-mail on it and with the only current file of Prof. Music’s goodies, is inaccessible until I figure out how to change the battery so I can turn it on again, but I should figure that out in a week or two. [It’s a desktop; I have to find the damned battery first.]

Newsrangers: Bryce Jackson, Jamie Anderson, George Ronczy, Stephen Taylor
This posting to News of the Weird Daily is © 2007 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.