Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Things To Worry About On Wednesday
It’s another slow news day, but Yr Editor is fighting for you, and I’ll continue to fight for you, all the way to the convention!

Creme de la Weird
A choice NOTW evergreen: the latest story on hysteria over African sorcerers (this time, in Congo) who steal (or, alternatively, shrink) men’s stuff [which goes something like this, Yr Editor imagines: Yes, officer, he shrunk my privates; I can prove it; why, I used to have 12 inches and now, look, 3]

Civilization in Decline
Yr Editor, for one, is proud of the Land of the Free, Home of the Brave, like this report showing us way ahead of the rest of the world in acknowledging our miscreants and locking their butts up (less than 5 percent of the world’s population, but we have almost 25 percent of the world’s prisoners!), and . . oh, wait, I think the point of the story is that it’s bad for America to be doing this, so, never mind . . . . . Update on University of Buffalo professor Steven Kurtz, whose 2004 indictment for possession of some dangerous stuff that was obviously, obviously, for an art-cum-political project but which the feds pretended to think was for an actual terrorist attack, was ridiculous at the time, and, sure enough, a federal judge this week threw out the indictment as “insufficient on its face” after deliberating on it for, let’s see, 40-some months.

The Human Condition Today
A trucker in Toronto reported that someone made off with his big rig and the cargo, which was 30 pallets of broccoli . . . . .Of course! Three teenage girls practicing holding their breath as members of a local synchronized swim team in Seattle, all fainted at precisely the same time and had to be pulled from the pool . . . . . Expected to plead “mentally ill, but creative”: A woman in Waterbury, Conn., stole hundreds of paintings last year but said it was for the purpose of showing God she was good enough to be saved in the Apocalypse . . . . . There’s a Catholic school in Mackay, Queensland, Australia, in the news because the hot-chicks clique is somewhat more advanced than those in U.S. schools: a specific ranking of girls from number 1 to 21 (anything above that is officially ugly) . . . . . Robert Dee, 21, a British tennis pro, won a first-round match in Spain to bring his three-year record to 1-54. (Bonus: Every loss was in straight sets)

Your Daily Loser
Here in Weird Central, it appears that Mr. Leonard Levy is facing life in prison as a habitual offender, caught this week after having broken in to a café at 4 a.m. to go through the cash drawer. The owner, who had been asleep in the back room, noticed that Levy had left his truck beside the back door with the engine running. The owner jumped in, drove it away, leaving Levy standing there with a well-founded sense of doom.

People Whose Sex Lives Are Worse Than Yours
A 51-yr-old man was arrested in Fort Pierce, Fla., charged with hitting on women in a restaurant by walking up to them, removing his dress (yep!), showing his underwear, and flashing a fistful of money. Apparently, this is not a good way to score. (Bonus: His name is Mr. Nanu Banu.) (Seriously)

Your Daily Jury Duty
[no fair examining the evidence; verdict based on mugshot only]
Michael Stock, 19, the top-pictured man of the four alleged trespassers

Professor Music’s Weird Links
Flash! It’s dangerous to have receptive anal intercourse with a pig, but I know there are skeptics out there. It’s a detailed summary of a journal article, from

NOTW, The Blog
(1) Another set of researchers intent on putting Yr Editor out of business: A Norwegian professor studying brain activity that just precedes a "brain fart" screw-up says we actually have about 30 seconds’ warning that the screw-up may be upon us, instead of just a couple of seconds. He is therefore hopeful of finding such-and-such part of the brain responsible, sending it a message, and preventing the screw-up. Yes, that may save lives and stuff, but how is Yr Editor to put food on the table if there are no screw-ups? (2) Your Daily Jury Duty galore! The entire criminal class of Dekalb County, Ga. (hint: They’re all guilty!) [link from] (3) From the other NOTW (London’s News of the World) (journalism not guaranteed) last week: photos from the junior version of the Fight Club, with urchins kick-boxing!

Newsrangers: Bruce Alter, Al Sayre, Roger Gulbransen, John Holsinger, Mark Neunder, Bob Pert, Allen Barnett, Emory Kimbrough, Peter Harrison
This posting to News of the Weird Daily is © 2008 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.