Friday, May 23, 2008

Friday’s Creme de la Weird
Crimestopper: The concerned driver in Seattle punched 911 on his phone to report a danger he encountered on the road. Dispatcher: “What are you reporting?” Driver: “I just don’t know if I’m safe to be driving . . . I’m pretty drunk. I don’t feel good.” He gave directions to where he was. KCPQ-TV (Seattle)

Too Good To Be True? It says here that a 16-yr-old kid in Waterloo, Ont., has solved one of the world’s most vexing environmental problems. So, either this’ll be all over the papers soon, or he’ll be busted. The kid isolated and ID’d bacteria that can rapidly break down polyethelene plastic bags (y’know, 500 billion produced a yr, takes 1,000 yrs to decompose). He says one has been previously ID’d as breaking down polystyrene, but if it has a helper to mate with, it works on polyethelene. Yr Editor doesn’t know jack about this, but reporter from The Record (Kitchener, Ont.) goes step by patient step, and the kid just won top prize at the Canada-Wide Science Fair in Ottawa, raking in (Cdn)$30k. The Record

Makes His Dipstick Moist: Channel Five in Britain is working on a documentary about mechaphilia and has located a guy from Washington state who’s either a grand fake or beyond help because he goes on and on about how he only romances cars, currently his main gal Vanilla (a VW Beetle). “I’m a romantic. I write poetry about cars, I sing to them and talk to them just like a girlfriend. I know what’s in my heart, and I have no desire to change.” Edward Smith is 57, says he first had sex “with” a car when he was 15, and hasn’t had sex with a human in years. The “global community” of “car lovers” allegedly numbers 500, or so they say in “Internet forums.” Yr Editor may troll these forums over the weekend, and I’ll let you know what I find. After all, it’s my job. Daily Telegraph (London)

Loving Family: In redneck Ocala, Fla., Brenda Hecht, 45, fed up with the laziness of son Chamborg, 18, got into it with him, and finally she grabbed a meat cleaver (and didn’t cleave him, just hit him several times). “I popped him in the head with the wrong thing. It was just there.” But, he said, she did threaten to cut off my head and my junk. Said she, “He talks about it too much anyway; there’s more to life than that.” Ocala Star-Banner

Larry Craig Bobblehead: Baseball’s St. Paul Saints will hand out 2,500 bobblehead souvenirs at Sunday’s game, but not of a player. It’s of a restroom stall with two lower legs and feet, and one of the feet bobbles (“taps,” which the team says with a stiff lip is in honor of Nat’l Tap Dance Day). It was at Minneapolis/St.Paul Int’l Airport that U.S. Sen. Larry Craig set up his famous wide-stance toe tap. Star Tribune

Thoughtless Suicidals: The Japanese kill themselves so frequently that it’s surprising they don’t more often accidentally take other people with them (as when one jumps off a building and inadvertently lands on a pedestrian [NOTW M007, 5-27-2007]). The 34-yr-old farmer in Kumamoto took The Only Way Out by ingesting chloropicrin, which has so much chlorine that when he later vomited at the hospital, 54 people got sick from the fumes. Mainichi Daily News

You Will Trust Me: Zurich Univ. scientists announced preliminary success with a nasal spray that upped the oxytocin level so that it reduced hyperactivity in the amygdala area of the brain, such hyperactivity being associated with excessive fear of people. Oxy-sprayed people proved more gullible (er, trusting) in tests than placebo-sprayed people. Yr Editor is certain that this work will be used only to bring “social phobia” sufferers up to normal levels and not for any other negative or dangerous or scary purpose at all. BBC News

And also . . .
Sycamore, Ill., where parking meters take pennies, raises its overstaying fine to $1 . . . . . An action-movie-type fight inside the cab of a big-rig (after the driver siphoned gasoline from the other guy’s tank) . . . . . Vindication months later for a wrongly-accused ambulance attendant who was merely trying to calm down the drug-crazed female masturbatrix . . . . . The Australian estranged wife who can’t seem to survive on A$800k/yr . . . . . An underappreciated suburban Chicago man who thought buying a personal fire truck would endear him to the neighbors . . . . . Experts from 10 countries spent time finally, officially defining (after review of all 100 studies over 65 yrs) just what constitutes “premature ejaculation.”

NOTW, The Blog
(1) Don't fret, dear readers. I'm just tinkering a bit with the format. Not ready to switch everything around just yet. I'll change some things back on Tuesday (when I return after the Monday U.S. holiday). (2) FYI, “5 Bullsh** Stories the Whole Internet Fell For” from Gawker.com. You didn’t read any of them on NOTW. By the way, there’s much more to the 4th item on Yalie Aliza Shvarts, which involved not strictly bs but Drudge and others jumping to conclusions (that she might well have wanted jumped to) based on her perhaps carefully chosen words.

Newsrangers: Harry Farkas, Joe Littrell, James Hanes, Christine Umayam, Bruce Leiserowitz, Raul Stone-Cousley, Tim Kennedy.
This posting to News of the Weird Daily is © 2008 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.