Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Wednesday’s Creme de la Weird

Meet Mrs. Berlin Wall, Mrs. Eiffel Tower, Mrs.--OK, this has gone far enough . . .
In a long piece presumably by the documentary-maker who did the car-sex thing last Sunday for Channel Five, London’s Independent previews next week’s show, on people supposedly in love with inanimate things besides cars (“objectum-sexuality,” which sounds like a poor attempt at pig latin). A Swedish woman still feels married to the Berlin Wall (and pissed that she’s now a widow); a San Francisco woman has committed marriage to the Eiffel Tower; and New Yorker Amy Wolfe plays the field, though the writer here says he witnessed her cooing and fondling a fairground ride. “They say” there are 40 members of a support group and that they aren’t fetishists but people deeply into romantic relationships with their objects. Two actual shrinks check in, taking the claims seriously (though neither has actually treated anyone for this).
The Independent (London)

Militaries, too, need to reduce their carbon footprints; hence, “environmentally friendly” bombs
TNT releases carbon and some toxics, but cleaner nitrogen’ll blow things up just as cool, say German scientists

Finger-regrowing “pixie dust” in the news again, but this time in U.S. Army surgery
A finger-regrowing success story surfaced in April but was discounted, in part because it smelled of a for-profit research firm’s exaggeration (and because the secret ingredient was “pig intestine”). But something very similar was tried last week at Brooke Army Medical Center in San Antonio. The concoction tricks cells into thinking they’re all young again and should be growing. New York Daily News-AP (original pixie-dust success) / The Guardian (London) (naah, it’s junk science) / CNN-AP (latest)

Send your panties to the Burmese Embassy in Ottawa
Myanmar’s ruling generals (who consult astrologers daily) are said to believe that cooties from women’s panties will turn them wimpy, and Canadian peace activists are on the job.

The Human Condition Today

Stranger shoots four at Arkansas wedding because his dog and the couple’s dog had a fight
The bride and groom are in intensive care. KTHV-TV (Little Rock)

Officers, SWAT team surround gunshot house for 7 hours, but neglect to knock on door; shooter had fallen asleep before they arrived and slept through the siege
WTMJ Radio (Milwaukee)

People Whose Sex Lives Are Worse Than Yours
A 38-yr-old man was arrested in Takasaki, Japan, for having called a food company’s toll-free line 500 times (total time: 3,100 hours) to listen to an automated message by a woman whose voice excited him. Reuters

Your Daily Jury Duty
[no fair examining the evidence; verdict based on mugshot only]
Dennis Flores, a career-threatened city councilman in Lorain, Ohio, picked up in a prostitution-solicitation sting

The Palm Beach Post, digging dirt from public records, found that Celine Dion’s house in the area uses 250x as much water as the average resident’s, and Tiger Woods’s, 150x . . . . . New York City high school students learn a universal truth: The really dysfunctional kids are the middle-schoolers (here, bullying the big kids) . . . . . Paul Hurst got upset that he was denied admission to a casino bar in Australia because he was “inappropriately attired,” but you be the judge!

Professor Music’s Weird Links
What do you do if you’re in the colon-cleansing racket, and you’ve tried patiently, through books and articles, to convince people how dangerous a junked-up intestine is, but you seem to have exhausted the available market? Well, you expand the market by trying to persuade the people who have been ignoring you. But you need something really dramatic! This lady invited her veteran colon cleansers to not just describe their experiences but to, er, send photos of the actual gunk that came out. Seriously. No, I mean it, seriously. The photos of the evacuated contents are accompanied, seemingly proudly, by the name and photo of the contents’ former owner.

NOTW, The Blog
A few more good stories (now stale) from late last week: The 73-yr-old woman likes to walk around the house naked, which disgusts her son, which ticked her off and caused her to shoot herself in the finger . . . . . A kindergarten teacher called for a class vote on whether to kick out their unruly classmate (he gone, 14-2) (but not really) . . . . . A fourth human foot in 9 months, still shoe-clad, has washed ashore around Vancouver.

Newsrangers: Kurt Knochel, Stephen Taylor, Craig Wesselman, Paul Bruesch, Bea Westrate, Mark Macdonald, Karl Olson, Richard Martin, Kirsten MacKenzie
This posting to News of the Weird Daily is © 2008 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.