Friday, June 06, 2008

Friday’s Creme de la Weird

Atlanta-area teacher threatens to rip student’s eyeballs out, pee on him
Well, he’s been under stress. There might be video of it eventually, as the cell phone cameras came out in class. (Bonus: Teacher’s father is a state legislator) Atlanta Journal-Constitution

Church sued for failing to catch a man who was falling after being overcome by the spirit
The minister reportedly only “lightly touched” the man’s forehead so maybe the church catchers didn’t expect the spirit to get in so easily.

Nashville City Commissioners duke it out
“Well you go ahead, fat mouth, and say something.” “Well now, I think I will–“ [pow pow pow] “Stupid son of a bitch.” (WKRN-TV)

Winner of $80 million contract to supply jet fuel to U.S. Afghan base: a Saudi financier under U.S. indictment
ABC News

New Zealand researchers have ID’d the flatulence gene in sheep and believe they can vaccinate against it
90 percent of its methane comes from livestock (vs. about 2 percent in the U.S.) Daily Telegraph (London)

The Human Condition Today

California woman set fires in gas station rest rooms to protest prices at the pump
“I wanted to take a stand,” she said. Contra Costa Times

Prominent British radio personality officially died of a drug overdose, the coroner said
It was not relevant that his body was “in a leather sling attached to scaffolding in the bedroom of the flat occupied by his boyfriend . . . still wearing a rubber suit and [with] cling film and ‘gaffer tape’ around him” BBC News

F State TV station reports uncritically on the Jacksonville man who says he runs his car on water
You can watch WJXX-TV’s report. Yr Editor knows for sure that Florida high schools once taught physics, but inventor Anthony Brown says, basically, the Lord taught him all he needs to know about thermodynamics. WJXX-TV

Your Daily Loser
Baby-sitter Joanne DeLoach needed to get out of the house to go celebrate her 47th birthday, and that’s why she kept feeding her 9-yr-old granddaughter the gin, so the kid’d get to sleep. Star Tribune (Minneapolis)

People Whose Sex Lives Are Worse Than Yours
EMT workers in Lebanon, Pa., had to rescue Mr. Shannon Miller, 31, from the porta-potty out behind Harold’s Furniture, where he had gotten wedged in the hole. He said it was an innocent accident, that he had to use the toilet and just fell in. But, said the deputy fire commissioner, “When I asked him why he was naked, he just shrugged his shoulders.” Lebanon Daily News

Your Daily Jury Duty
[no fair examining the evidence; verdict based on mugshot only]
I ask you: Does Brian Furer look like the kind of guy who would try to buy a gallon of date rape drug? KCNC-TV (Denver)

A nursing home in Dusseldorf reported success curbing runaway Alzheimer’s patients by putting a realistic, fake bus stop out front, attracting wanderers to await the next bus home, which of course never comes, but the patients never remember how long they’ve been waiting . . . . . Now China’s trying a mass-education campaign to teach a standardized cheer to use at the Olympics (Bonus: Apparently, the sorta “Let’s go!” cheer in China is “Add oil!”) . . . . . Best quote out of context: “Personally, it was upsetting to see all of our hard work turn into a huge penis” [OK, it was a high school senior prank, arranging chairs to spell “2008,” but then another group of pranksters rearranged that arrangement] . . . . . Khalid Sheikh Mohammed made two demands at his trial this week: (1) the death penalty, so he could be a martyr and (2) that the courtroom sketch artist make his nose narrower to more resemble his FBI portrait.

Professor Music’s Weird Links
Not today. Maybe Monday.™

Newsrangers: Tom Sullivan, Joe Littrell, Sasha Gorichky
This posting to News of the Weird Daily is © 2008 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.