Monday, June 16, 2008

Monday's Creme de la Weird

Charles Hood is to meet his maker tomorrow morning, convicted by a judge who allegedly was being humped by the prosecutor during the trial
Hood’s lawyers do not have a smoking gun although it’s one of those things where “everybody” in the courthouse “knew” about it. Salon’s been on this since 2005, but without a smoking gun, Texas’s appeals judges don’t even have to open their usual blind eyes to this. Salon

Exorcist for vice president! (God knows we could use one)
Louisiana Gov. Bobby Jindal, a McCain favorite for VP, wrote an essay in 1994 for New Oxford Review, a Catholic journal, narrating a story of “a personal encounter with a demon, in which he participated in an exorcism with a group of college friends. And not only did they cast out the supernatural spirit that had possessed his friend, Jindal wrote that he believes that their ritual may well have cured her cancer.” [passage from Talking Points Memo blog] New Oxford Review / TalkingPointsMemo

(Punchline-friendly news) Grand jury indicts guy’s DNA
Four women were raped around the Univ. of Cincinnati area in 1995-96, and cops still don’t have a suspect, but they do have the DNA. It’s not clear where the DNA came from, but most likely it was the “rape kit,” meaning, well . . .. WCPO-TV (Cincinnati)

Love those insurance contracts
(1) In Midwest flooding, a Wisconsin lake breached its barrier and spilled into the Wisconsin River, and the whole damn lake drained out. So a lakefront resort filed a claim for “loss of income” because who wants to spend vacation time relaxing alongside mud? No can do, said the insurance company, because the loss was due to flood, and you don’t have flood insurance. Flood? We're not flooded. (2) Tonya Riley’s trailer home in Kingston, Okla., got filled last week with 780 gallons of raw sewer-backup and is a total loss (Yep, there’s video!). Her insurance is useless because she failed to buy the sewer-backup coverage, and state law usually exempts the town from liability for these things. Capital Times (Madison) / KXII-TV (Sherman, Tex.)

Recurring Theme: I couldn’t have raped that child because, er, I’m too damn big
The girl had no genital abrasion, yet my client is a “vary large” man, said his lawyer, and if the court will just allow us to make a plaster cast of his stuff, we can show the jury. If it can’t fit, you must acquit. WCAU-TV (Philadelphia) via MSNBC

Bush administration’s proposed disabled-access proposals are generally applauded, but one thing is clear: no “assistance monkeys” (or assistance horses)
New York Times / NOTW 973 (10-1-2006) (monkeys) / NOTW M034 (12-2-2007) (horses)

The name is We Trust . . . In God We Trust
A judge in Illinois shrugged and said, hey, what can ya do? Guy wants to legally change his name from Steve Kruescher to In God We Trust. “I feel fantastic,” said We Trust. “I’ve been praying for this.” Daily Herald (Arlington Heights, Ill.)

Update: The fascinating Darius McCollum is back
He’s the basically harmless guy who literally cannot stop hanging around train yards and pretending to be a transit worker. They used to release him after the trespassing arrests, to get treatment, but the last time, they hauled him off to prison. He’s out and right back at it. / Wikipedia

Your Daily Loser
Stuart Gardner dropped by the house and went around back to where Peter Diamond was tending his garden (following a break-in at his home that week). Gardner walked up to Diamond, held out Diamond’s house keys, and said, er, “I’m the person who broke in. Can I have my mobile phone back?” Daily Telegraph (London)

Your Daily Jury Duty
[no fair examining the evidence; verdict based on mugshot only]
Anna Godinas, 24, arrested in Immokalee, Fla., when she left her three filthy toddlers out in the rain while she was inside buying beer (and then, when criticized, supposedly said, “I don’t want them anymore, anyway”) Naples Daily News

ABC-TV’s “20/20" did a full take-out last Friday on the 2-yr-old girl who had been born with 8 limbs (of course, exactly matching the 8 limbs of Lakshmi, the goddess of wealth, which makes all the neighbors reverent in the girl’s presence, and of course, the parents named her Lakshmi Tatma) . . . . . According to this lawsuit, ya can get “significant and permanent loss of an important bodily function, disability, disfigurement,” and all sorts of other anguish if you go to a bird sanctuary and don’t watch out for the bird doo . . . . . Rescue workers trying to put a neck brace on an auto-accident victim (to, y’know, stabilize his body in case of nerve injury) were resisted by the victim, so, naturally, sheriff’s deputies had to Taser the guy “several times” so they could get the brace on . . . . . A New Orleans grand jury indicted Frank Keys Jr, 38, on heroin possession (257g that he was carrying in his, um, diaper).

In this week’s News of the Weird [M062, 6-15-2008], Yr Editor stuck in the item about sculptor Takashi Murakama earning $15.2m at the auction of his Lonesome Cowboy (nude man, holding his stuff, creating a circular “lasso” of his ejaculate). Turns out this was only one piece during Murakama’s Bodily Fluids Period. Here’s more stuff, including a similar circular “lasso” of milk from way-large breasts. (None of this is safe for work, by the way.) Wired Blogs / Village Voice

Professor Music’s Weird Links
Cops in Madison, Wis., busted a burglary ring last week, which they claim was sorta operating out of this crack house, but as you can plainly see from this breathtaking slide show, ain’t nothin’ operating out of this place. It’s a rain forest for bacteria.

NOTW, The Blog
NOTE: Yr Editor has some property-hygiene issues to attend to this week and thus will not be publishing on Tuesday or Thursday. See ya Wednesday.

Newsrangers: Joe Littrell, Ed Tucciarone, Paul Di Filippo, Kurt Knochel, Keith Yearman, Nicole Johnson, Larry Ellis Reed, Josh Levin, Kent Cooper
This posting to News of the Weird Daily is © 2008 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.