Monday’s Creme de la Weird
A judge in Lille, France, recently annulled a Muslim marriage on complaint of the husband because there was no, er, blood on the sheet
When the multicultural French found out, the merde hit the fan. The Times (London)
At Naperville (Ill.) Central High, the principal and the valedictorian plagiarized their commencement speeches
The class of ‘08 will have quite a legacy. The principal’s been suspended, and the kid’s speech has been expunged from the graduation video. Naperville Sun
An Iowa City man arrested with a big stash of marijuana told police he was only saving it up for compost
Associated Press via Yahoo
In Corvallis, Ore., a black guy set up a “Meet a Black Guy” booth at the farmers’ market
“[Corvallis] is not a very diverse place,” he said. Corvallis Gazette-Times
Fake doctor in Atlanta was really, really into it
He gratuitously told his new bride that he was “going back” to practicing medicine; she dropped him off at the hospital every day; he called her frequently to tell how things were going in the ol’ ER. Then one day he didn’t call (having been arrested for impersonating a doctor). Still, during three jailhouse visits, his wife said he’s still insisting he’s a doctor and needs to get back to work. WSB-TV (Atlanta)
In Fukuoka, Japan, a woman had been secretly living for months inside a man’s closet (and in a cubby hole in the closet!), and his only clue was missing food . . . . . Police trying to catch the gas-station robbers in Arvada, Colo., released the surveillance video, so if you see two guys walking down the street wearing women’s thong panties over their faces . . .
Your Daily Loser
Two guys stole a Pepsi machine from a liquor store in Hughes, Ark. (pop. 1,800) and wheeled it down the street on a handtruck whose tracks led right to their front yard, where they had left the machine in plain sight after getting it home. Associated Press via Yahoo
People Whose Sex Lives Are Worse Than Yours
Fire rescue crews probably know how to get rings off fingers, but these guys near Sydney, Australia, called surgeons for this job, which was removing 16 washers from a penis. It took doctors at Hornsby Hospital 90 minutes (Bonus: File photo of "washers" makes it look much more painful than it probably was). Daily Telegraph (Sydney)
Your Daily Jury Duty
[no fair examining the evidence; verdict based on mugshot only]
A two-bagger: Guilty or innocent? Man or woman? The name won’t help you (Robin Forbes, 58). Charged in the F State with modest but inexplicable perversion. WKMG-TV (Orlando)
That’s Messed Up
The Los Angeles Times reported that UCLA Medical Center had given liver transplants to 4 Japanese yakuza gang bosses during the years 2000-2004, when several hundred locals died waiting for livers . . . . . The U.S. Capitol Police (and also the U.S. Park Police guarding the D.C. monuments) claimed that their Reagan-era radios are unreliable and frequently can’t reach D.C. police but that it’s too expensive to replace the system (but it’s not too expensive, if you recall from last week, for Homeland Security to spend big bucks training casino shuttle drivers in Colorado to, y'know, watch out for terrorists [NOTW Daily, 5-27-2008]) . . . . . Photos of an actual primitive indigenous people in Brazil! Er, photos of them pointing their arrows up at the circling airplane (photos released by an anti-development organization trying to save the rain forest tribes).
Al-Qaeda’s number two, Al-Zawahiri, patiently doing a Q-and-A in an audio recording, explained that women’s jihadist role is just to take care of the family, which didn’t sit well with some women warrior wannabes (Yr Editor notes that al-Q lets them be suicide bombers; jeez, what else do they want?) . . . . . An estimated 100,000 people in Frawnts have taken up line-dancing; a French Dance Federation spokesman said he thinks it’s because it involves no physical contact at all (i.e., the French feel they’re too good to touch even the French) (Bonus: The French want to regulate it!).
And also . . .
A power outage in Wales was attributed to cows knocking over a pylon because they leaned too hard against it trying to scratch themselves . . . . . And a sewer outage in Pownal, Vt., was attributed to a pair of panties clogging a pump . . . . . Zero Tolerance: (1) Five-day school suspension for a kid playing with an empty shell casing from blanks fired at a town celebration; (2) Remove that 2-inch-long Colt.-45 charm and repack it in your checked baggage if you want to fly today . . . . . r.i.p. Fredric Baur, designer of the Pringles can, whose wish was granted, that part of him be buried in a Pringles can.
Jeff Peckman showed the irrefutable-proof alien video to the press at the Tivoli Student Union in Denver [NOTW Daily, 5-30-2008] on Friday, supposedly from a bedroom surveillance camera in rural Nebraska in 2003, set up to catch a peeping tom but revealing a head that looks about like they say alien heads look. This is part of Peckman’s campaign to have local gov’t get an emergency-response plan for alien landings. Peckman is 54 and lives with his parents. Rocky Mountain News (LINK CORRECTED)
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This posting to News of the Weird Daily is © 2008 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.