Monday, June 09, 2008

Monday’s Creme de la Weird

The wrong people discover YouTube (pastors videoing customers at an “adult” lingerie shop)
The Reporter (Vacaville, Calif.)

Penalty for high school telephone prank: 8 yrs in the slammer
Two Tyler, Tex., kids called rival school and threatened to open fire on students. Tyler Morning Telegraph

British court orders up a van from another town to come take a prisoner across the street
Evidently, “perp walks” violate “human rights” in Britain since they’re so, y’know, embarrassing. A police car was available, but by law, cops were out of the loop, and courts’ wheels must be used, and the nearest court van was 60 miles away. (Seriously.) Daily Telegraph (London)

Feds throw the book at the gloriously debauched technology billionaire Nick Nicholas
25-count indictments (4 for drugs, 21 for stock manipulation) against an extremely large-living guy who smoked so much dope on his private jet that the pilot had to wear his oxygen mask. Juiciest part: He had a 2,000-sq-ft labyrinth built underneath his mansion, unknown to his wife, so he could par-tay with all the floozies he could buy. Downfall: He is so arrogant that he mistreated his personal assistant (who spilled everything). AP via Yahoo / New York Post

Horny pandas scrumming
A BBC Natural History team video’d mating in the wild, first showing males fighting each other, accompanied by “loud calls which will make viewers think instantly of the Wookie character from the Star Wars movies," wrote BBC News. Said the show’s producer, Gavin Maxwell, “I liken it to Chewbaccas in a pub brawl.” As to the act itself, “They’re really fired up, they’re breathing hard and panting, and you can see the steam coming out of their mouths. They seem like different creatures altogether.” BBC News

Tanzania’s albino crisis: medically endangered to begin with, and now hunted down for their “magical” bones and skin
Donating a little sunscreen would help them a lot because, contrary to local belief, they don’t live forever. New York Times

Mr. Artives Freeman has a fool for a client, but that’s not his big problem (it’s feces)
He argued with the judge about whether he was competent to act as his own lawyer, then showed up in court in a nice business suit, only with his own caca on his face and in his hair. Charlotte Observer

Corporate boards of directors still reluctant to make CEO’s give back their miscalculated bonuses
Said a critic, “All shareholders suffer [when a company is forced to restate earnings downward]. Therefore all executives who benefited from misstated accounts should see their incentives adjusted to reflect actual achievements. This is not the approach taken by the majority of boards, as yet.” New York Times

Texas baby “born” twice (but stuffed back in the first time)
(Seriously) Fetus had this big tumor so doctors pulled it up out of the uterus, removed the growth, crammed it back in, and 10 weeks later, voilà! CBS News

Punchline-friendly news: Japanese watermelon sells for $6,100, and it’s a black watermelon
AP via Yahoo!

Your Daily Loser
Fortunately for counterfeiter Calvin Robinson, the police caught him before he could lose any more money than he already had. Cops said Robinson needed “$90" to buy drugs and bought a color copier for $100 so he could make some fake $10's. Spokesman-Review (Spokane, Wash.)

A guilty plea in Britain on one count of animal cruelty for abandoning a pet during a household move (Bonus: the pet was Milly the rat) . . . . . If the cops are after you, ya use the weapon you have, so if you’re carrying a baby– . . . . . Added to the list of things you're not supposed to hoard in your apartment: gasoline.

And also . . .
Australia’s Education Department sent teachers letters telling them not to “shout” at students so much . . . . . A chemical plant in Belfast had a nitric acid accident, releasing plumes of N2O, but with no injuries or uncontrollable giggling . . . . . A business school in Lucknow, India, goes the “endowed professorship” thing one better: name the monkey god Hanuman head of the school . . . . . Dawn of a new day in Cuba: sex-change surgery now available (and, of course, free) . . . . . r.i.p. the homeless Kentucky man who had a rough life in more ways than one, since his name was Edward Semen.

Professor Music’s Weird Links
“Two-thirds of humanity use the squatting position to answer the call of nature. In those cultures, appendicitis, diverticulosis, hemorrhoids, colitis, prostate disorders, and colon cancer are virtually unknown.” “Recommended by doctors and yoga teachers for easier and more complete elimination.” Nature’s Platform!

Newsrangers: Tom Barker, Marlon Campbell, Mark Neunder, Sam Gaines, Matthew Taylor, Gary Davidson, Ginger Katz, Mark Svevar, Kate Gladstone, Jim Collins, Jessica McRorie, H.Thompson, John Witherspoon, Bob Pert, Karl Olson
This posting to News of the Weird Daily is © 2008 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.