Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Wednesday’s Creme de la Weird

A tic from his past haunts an F State candidate for sheriff
Current Sarasota Chief Deputy Larry Dunklee had this problem, 8 yrs ago, anyway, in that four female co-workers complains that he had roving hands, on their bodies and on his own. Of the latter, he explained that (according to a Herald-Tribune columnist) “touching himself [uh, down there, through his clothes] was a nervous habit he picked up as a kid, and said his mother had once sought medical advice to help him stop.” Well, maybe. But back then, when given the opportunity to apologize to one offended lady, he then ripped her a new one for noticing that particular area of his body and blamed her for embarrassing him. Sarasota Herald-Tribune

Recurring Theme: I got glued to the toilet seat at Wal-Mart
Haywood Rosales, 31, said he had to call his wife to come help him because the throne had some sort of adhesive, and he got cuts and abrasions when the seat was finally pulled off. (A similar November 2005 lawsuit against Home Depot was dismissed on the ground that the store had no way of knowing that one customer would try to punk another customer, but Rosales’s lawyer said stores should thereafter have been on the lookout for copycats.) [Actually, Yr Editor NLW’d the story in 2006 after, I recall, two more in-store pranks, the last of which I reported in NOTW 965 [8-6-2006] involving a Wal-Mart in North Salisbury, Md.] / AP via MSNBC (2005 lawsuit)

Man sics his pet snake on cops
Nothing happened. Bad snake! Connecticut Post

Child welfare officials threatened to take a diligent mother’s autistic child away because, uh, her teacher’s assistant’s psychic said the kid was being sexually abused
Seriously. City News (Toronto)

Virginia’s back-assward protection of sensitive data
Betty Ostergren campaigns to have the state cover up all those Social Security numbers it has incidentally left on Internet public records. State no-like criticism. Betty starts publishing the SSN’s, herself, to dramatize the problem. State now embarrassed. Legislature leaps into action. Result: State records still up, intact, but next month a law will kick in criminalizing Betty’s spreading the numbers around. PC World

British janitor sues the school for £50,000 because he fell off a stepladder, which was their fault for not “training” him
He told first-responders to the accident that it was his own fault but now disclaims that, saying, well, he was dazed at the time, being “in and out of consciousness.” Daily Telegraph (London)

Update: Our favorite semi-nude protester
Jennifer Moss was last seen on these pages upsetting some people in Ojai, Calif., by tooling around town in g-string and pasties [NOTW Daily, 4-29-2008] but has moved to Ashland, Ore., based on the town’s ordinance that prohibits only genital nudity (and not nipple nudity). She has announced she’ll do the 4th of July parade topless. Town officials said that’s a family affair and that she can parade topless the other 365 days this yr, but not then, please. Associated Press via Yahoo

Gangs of New York do formal “blessings” of their babies, like baptisms into gang life
“‘It’s like a christening,’ he said. ‘The [Episcopal] priest holds the baby, and we say our prayer at the same time. We have to have the window open and the baby pointed to the sun.’ Once blessed, the child is given yellow beads, the [Almighty Latin King and Queen Nation] gang’s color.” New York Daily News

F State man hates payday ‘cause he has to send his ex-wife alimony to support her current life as a man
“He says he doesn’t wish Julio [formerly, Julia] any ill will, but is afraid he might bump into his ex-wife in the men’s room someday.” WTSP-TV (St. Petersburg)

A British police department coughed up £100,000 worth of expense trying to find protective gear that would fit a Sikh cop over his turban
They couldn’t find anything so the cop immediately went on sick leave for stress. Daily Telegraph (London)

The Human Condition Today
In a fiery, three-vehicle crash in Dallas, one person was hospitalized, but the only death was a rubbernecker who got out to take pictures from the adjacent lane and was, well– . . . . . A schoolteacher in China’s earthquake area is being publicly pilloried because he apparently outran all of his students for cover when the quake hit (“I would only consider sacrificing my life for my daughter [and not] for anyone else, even my mother”) . . . . . Says here a guy in Genoa, Italy, kidnaped his ex-girlfriend and brought her home because some dishes needed washing and some ironing done.

Your Daily Losers
There was a stabbing at a house in Wichita, Kan., after a commotion started when two young men were arguing over which of them more deserved the nickname “C-Thug.” Wichita Eagle

Your Daily Jury Duty
[no fair examining the evidence; verdict based on mugshot only]
Is Betty Neumar your retired high school English teacher or a woman who has killed each of her five husbands? ABC News

Good to know: French scientists learn which part of the brain lights up when we look at porn . . . . . The Vatican has blessed the idea of a musical based on the Virgin Mary and are seeking a lyricist, having already selected the composer, whose credits include Pirhana Part 2: The Spawning and Black Orgasm . . . . . Sounds Like a Joke: France announced it was reducing its military by 54,000 jobs . . . . . Let’s see, gasoline, $4.09 a gallon, whoa, no way, crime, outrage, and Evian, $6.76 a gallon, yeah, well, uh, hey, wait a minute . . ..

Professor Music’s Weird Links
Not today. Maybe Friday.™

NOTW, The Blog
Reminder: Yr Editor is tending to chores tomorrow and will post next on Friday.

Newsrangers: Paul Music, John Holsinger, Shawna-Lin Hamel, Jon Meccarello, Mindy Cohen, Matt Mirapaul, Ken Vermette, Josh Levin, Scott Langill, Justin Warner
This posting to News of the Weird Daily is © 2008 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.