Tuesday, May 17, 2011

News of the Weird/Pro Edition
You're Still Not Cynical Enough

Prime Choice Cuts of Underreported News from Last Week, Hand-Picked and Lightly Seasoned by Chuck Shepherd
May 17, 2011 (Part II; Part I, May 16, 2011, follows this)
(datelines May 7-May 14) (links correct as of May 16)
© 2011 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.

Below The Fold

Checks & Balances: The special federal court designated to decide on warrant applications for national-security surveillance (that would otherwise violate the 4th Amendment) entertained a total of 1,506 applications in 2010 and approved, er, 1,506. Wired.com

What's living in your bellybutton? Turns out, you can learn a lot about a person. Swab it, and within two days, "large colonies with tens of thousands of cells" are growing, said a researcher. "We can see the diversity of life right there on the plate." (Bonus: There is a Belly Button Biodiversity unit at North Carolina State Univ.) News & Observer (Raleigh)

Chutzpah! Bad enough that a 16-year-old kid at Freeland High School in Bay City, Mich., got infinitely more sex than you did at that age ("intercourse at least 100 times" with teacher Marcie Rousseau, in addition to "at least 75 more" acts, i.e., presumably oral). The kid is now suing to receive "at least" $10,000 per copulation (or, 175 ways, $5,714 per). Saginaw News

Mildly-Justifiable: Jay Rodgers was shot by a stranger in Atlanta. It started when Jay held a door open for him at a gas station, and the guy didn't say "thank you," . . and Jay wouldn't give up nagging him, all the way out to his car, and then the guy turns and, Blam! A month after the shooting, Jay, recovering and interviewed by WSB-TV, implored the ungrateful shooter, on camera: "[I]f you're watching this, do the right thing and turn yourself in." WSB-TV

Least Explicable Death: A 58-year-old British teacher drowned in a shallow pond in her yard when she tripped and fell, and a carved tree trunk hooked onto her blouse and pinned her, face first, underwater. Sunderland Echo

The Houston carwash operator was irate that police investigators were climbing all over the place. "I got all my permits that go with this place." Police: Well, not the pharmacy permit, or the off-track gambling permit, or the raccoon-meat sales permit. KHOU-TV

Battle Hymn of the Tiger Father: The son, 14, violated his Internet-café grounding so Dad dragged him, naked, through the streets of Hechi city in southern China. Daily Mail (London)

Clumsiest Art Gallery Visitor: Wim T. Schippers's historic 1962 "peanut butter platform" (40-something square feet of peanut butter laid out on the floor) was re-created at a Rotterdam gallery, and (so far) only one hapless art patron has accidentally traipsed through it. News.com.au (Sydney)

Obituary: the late Mr. Harry Palm, of Stafford, Va. The Free Lance-Star (Fredericksburg)

Updates & Recurring Themes

Latest two-headed baby born: Suining City Central Hospital, Sichuan province, China (with photo that the Washington Post believes was not Photoshopped). Associated Press via Washington Post

The latest spectacular revenge under Iran's Sharia law--a woman allowed to inject acid into her attacker's eyes because that's approximately what he did to her--was postponed temporarily, but without judicial explanation. Daily Mail (London)

Another human mother nurturing her little cub-ette: Kerry Campbell arranges Botox and body waxes for her little Britney, 8, to prepare her for the future. Britney "no longer 'cries that much' during the injections, and she's looking forward to a 'boob and nose job soon, so that I can be a star.'" ABC News

Approaching No Longer Weird Status: Ann Marie Hernandez was arrested in Lee County, Fla., for, among other things, possession of a stolen credit card and driver's license, stored for safekeeping in her hoo-hah. John David Hall, 33, who was arrested in St. Lucie County, Fla., had a marijuana pipe but (either reluctantly or proudly) admitted its internal location as he was being processed for probation violation. Fort Myers News-Press /// TCPalm.com (Stuart, Fla.)

Reports are legion of clumsy people practicing "quick draw" with their guns in front of their mirrors, but what are odds that the errant quick-draw shot would plug a wall poster of Michael Corleone, right in the chest? KATU-TV (Portland, Ore.)

Miscellaneous Sh*t

It says here that a judge in Brazil has OK'ed a doctor's recommendation and ordered the unnamed employer of Ana Catarian Bezerra, 36, to let her masturbate on the job. (The "news" source for this comes nowhere close to meeting Yr Editor's standards, but of course "hypersexuality" disorder is not unheard of. It's just that it takes balls, metaphorically, to go public with it like this.) Owing to the good work of her doctor, Ana's down to just 18x a day. Guanabee.com /// Wikipedia on Hypersexuality

Chinese performance artist Cheng Li has been shut down by the government--oppressed because of his political criticism having live intercourse in the Museum of Contemporary Art in Beijing in March. Global Times (Beijing) [wa-a-a-y Not Safe For Work]

And finally, on-camera twinkie reporter Tara Morgan, getting the viz-element for a report on the zoo in Richmond, Va., gets her hair eaten by a camel. WTSP-TV (St. Petersburg, Fla.) via CNN

Newsrangers: Dave Shepardson and Paul Bruesch and the News of the Weird Board of Editorial Advisors