Monday, April 16, 2012

Chuck's Weekly Cite-Seeing Tour
The Crème de la Crème, Every Monday

Hand-Picked and Lightly Seasoned by Chuck Shepherd
April 16, 2012
(datelines from April 6 or later) (links correct as of April 16)

Vatican City: High-up official Cardinal Domenico Calcagno was outed by an Italian website that reported him as a gun aficionado with a handsome arsenal (at least 13 weapons). Agence France-Presse via Ottawa Citizen

Salina, Kan.: What to do with the Cold War-era Atlas missile silos long ago decommissioned? Developer Larry Hall is building the ultimate gated community with five years of underground food and water in nuke-proof luxury appointments, $2m per condo, cash upfront. Agence France-Presse via World's Greatest Newspaper

Rio de Janeiro: United Nations conferees on sustainable development will meet on June 13th, overtaxing Rio's hotels. Solution: co-opt the city's whorehouses "love hotels," mirrored walls and round beds included. (Problem: June 12th is a big sex day in Rio; next-morning checkout time strictly enforced.) BBC News

Nashville: Get out your calculator and count William Todd's felonies, all committed over a 9-hour period after he hit town April 9th. As of that date, they had him for 11, but were still counting. WSMV-TV (Nashville)

Peshawar, Pakistan: "There is no finer mark of a Pakistani man than a fully oiled, waxed, and twirled moustache," wrote a Daily Telegraph (London) columnist. Hence, over-the-top Amir Muhammad Afridi! But Islam is fuzzy on just how far facial hair obsession can go so Afridi has to live in seclusion. Daily Telegraph

Pahoa, Hawaii: In their wisdom, local officials on the Big Island have now criminalized dogs' "incessant barking," with heavy fines, driving owners to seek dog counselors and dog Prozac. Wall Street Journal

London: The New York Times's fabulous London correspondent Sarah Lyall checked in with a review of Britain's resistance to "no-fault divorce," which leads to many variations of "fault" by parties who want out of holy matrimony (e.g., "maliciously and repeatedly served him his least favorite dish, tuna casserole," "insisted she dress in a Klingon costume and speak to him in Klingon," "husband had not spoken to her in 15 years, communicating only by Post-It note"). New York Times

Modesto, Calif.: People accidentally shooting themselves is a News of the Weird staple, but I haven't see this before: wounded in the shoulder when he accidentally dropped a barbell onto a bullet. Associated Press via WMBF-TV (Myrtle Beach, S.C.)

New York City: (1) Crime Doesn't Pay (Georgia man gets 6½ yrs in prison for . . movie-poster fraud). (2) Yes, Crime Does Pay (Bergen County, N.J., woman ripped off a youth program for $50k, gets 3-yr probation and a restitution order to repay $10 a month). Athens Banner Herald /// Associated Press via

Craig County, Okla.: Mags Bennett wannabe Darlene Mayes, 73, was arrested for running a huge marijuana-trafficking operation (recovered: guns and $277,000). KSEE-TV (Fresno, Calif.)

Beijing: It says here that the government's censorship of a Titanic scene of bare-chested Kate Winslet was to prevent theater-goers from reaching out to cop feels, thus disturbing other patrons. (That's what it says here.) United Press International (scroll down)

Recurring Themes: (1) Recent DNA testing has revealed that a British fertility clinic founder (who died in 1972) might have inseminated as many as 600 moms all by himself. (2) Another perp who ought to have applied for a name change: the convicted rapist-murderer Wilford Molester Galloway. (3) Stealing stuff from a Radio Shack runs a risk that at least one of the items is GPS-enabled, making for an easy collar. (4) A federal regulatory study revealed that women are twice as likely as men to be the ones to confuse the gas pedal and the brake. New York Post /// Lawrence Journal-World (Lawrence, Kan.) /// Chicago Tribune /// Los Angeles Times

Thanks to Don Schullian, Perry Levin, Dave Kanofsky, and Sandy Pearlman and the mighty NOTW Board of Editorial Advisors.