Tuesday, May 29, 2012

News of the Weird 2.0
(Almost) Daily, Since May 21, 2012

Underreported News, Hand-Picked and Lightly Seasoned by Chuck Shepherd
May 29, 2012
(datelines from May 24 or later) (links correct as of May 29)
Copyright 2012 by Chuck Shepherd.  All rights reserved.

★ ★ ★ ★!

It's all right that y'all probably don't read National Enquirer because that's my job.  It says here in the May 28th issue that ol' Jim Bakker still owes IRS $6m and is now pitching big-ticket apocalypse survival gear to his God-fearing followers, including the Silver Solution Total Body Cleanse Kit ($100), which has an enema element.  National Enquirer

Weird People

Naples, Fla.:  Steve Carr, aiming for a surprise pop-the-questioning, buried the engagement ring in the sand on a beach vacation with girlfriend Mary Naam, but then forgot where.  He hired a professional sand-digger.  (Bonus:  Steve is "Dr." Steve Carr, a real-life brain surgeon from Denver.)    WZVN-TV (Fort Myers)

Fremont, Neb.:  Mr. Mel and Ms. Joey Schwanke, married 65 yrs, attribute their "success" to the matching outfits they always wear in public (167 sets of his tie custom-matching her dress).  He also wears a badge with "Somebody Please Shoot Me" on it.   KETV-TV
                       
"U-S-A!  U-S-A!  U-S-A!"
                   
Kentucky has become the second state (after Illinois!) to have a state high school championship in, um, bass-fishing.  Yahoo Sports

According to the report by WDAY-TV in Fargo, Chad Lindley, 40, has become the first person ever arrested in North Dakota on the charge of pimping.  WDAY-TV

Florida's death toll from child neglect dropped precipitously from 2009 to 2010, a sure sign that child-welfare people are doing a better job state bureaucrats have changed the rules for counting "neglect" deaths.  Sure enough!  Now, when kids die in front of drunk caregivers, it's not "neglect" because "neglect" requires "willfulness."   Miami Herald

Transportation Security Administration reports that by 2006 (five years after 9-11), it was still confiscating 500 guns a year from airline travelers.  Five years after that, 2011, at least 1,200 travelers didn't get the memo.   New York Times

Judgment-Challenged

Gothenburg, Sweden:  A supposedly disabled-friendly organization, trying to make a point, began selling dolls labeled with a phrase that it says here is roughly the equivalent of "retard."  "So much better than a normal retard," this doll is.  Maybe the Swedes will get the point.  (Bonus:  Marion Barry did not get the point.  Caught denouncing Asian shopkeepers in his District of Calamity ward, he sorta-apologized, pointing out that the Irish caught hell when they came here, the Jews caught hell, "the Polacks caught hell.")  The Local (Stockholm)   ///   WTOP Radio (Washington, D.C.)

Funny Old World*

Vicar Nick Davis of Cheltenham, England, gets God's message across by breathing fire halfway through his sermons.  (It's a gift.)  The church is marking Pentecost, where the Holy Spirit descends on Jesus's disciples and "appearing as tongues of flame."   BBC News

Your Daily Jury Duty
[In America, you're presumed innocent . . until the mug shot is released]:

Skiatook, Okla.:  Do you really think Leonard White is capable of burglary at his age?   Tulsa World

Editor's Notes

Note:  It says here this is illegal, and you are warned (no matter how nonsensical this is).  A man in Kent, Wash., learned that when noisy brat kids sit behind you in a movie, laugh at you, and throw popcorn, you cannot turn around and slap one in the mouth, knocking out a tooth.  It's illegal.  Go figure.  Seattle Post-Intelligencer

Thanks to Gary Goldberg, and the mighty NOTW Board of Editorial Advisors.  (* stolen from Private Eye)