News of the Weird 2.0
(Almost) Daily, Since May 21, 2012
Underreported News, Hand-Picked and Lightly Seasoned by Chuck Shepherd
May 31, 2012
(datelines from May 27 or later) (links correct as of May 31)
Copyright 2012 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.
★ ★ ★ ★!
Some North Carolina legislators, tired of all this "climate change" nonsense, seek to curb discussion once and for all. The general science says that seas will rise enough to engulf the state's lucrative coast properties so they introduced legislation to prohibit that particular bit of science. According to Replacement Bill 819, future flooding will be limited to 8 inches because that's what the historical tables show when only "linearly" extrapolated. What about if weather gets worse and worse? Do we have to use the same baselines as we did back to 1900, even if our eyes tell us they're not good baselines anymore? Exactly, said the legislators; from now on, it'll illegal to do it your way . . in North Carolina. Scientific American
Leading Economic Indicators
Times are tough. Manuel Orvalle, 35, was charged with burglary in Mesa, Ariz., after allegedly taking a man's Playstation 3 and two bags of water from the man's swimming pool. (Orvalle said there's no running water at home.) /// In Missoula, Mont., someone stole the '76 Ford Pinto from a man's back yard--a '76 Ford Pinto with four flat tires and that didn't run. KPHO-TV (Phoenix) /// The Missoulian
No, Times Aren't Tough: Allison Havir of Phoenix is offering $10,000 for return of her lost dog DiiDii, a 2-1/2 yr old German Shepherd mix. She could go higher: "No amount is too much for her." KCTV (Kansas City)
Over on the Left Tail (of the Bell Curve)
A 61-yr-old man in Decatur, Ala., was hospitalized with a toothache, or rather hospitalized for shooting himself in the jaw with a .25-caliber pistol to alleviate the toothache. Decatur Daily
Funny Old World*
(Well, not funny funny, but, y'know . . .): UK coroner's inquests ruled that Dr. Martin Rowe, 47, had checked himself out early in Southampton (found fully clothed in a bathtub after taking a "massive" dose of Viagra)--and that James Lockless, 50, died accidentally in Carshalton as a result of a sexual "misadventure" involving a nylon sheet and three layers of cling film wrapped around his neck and ankles. (Bonus: Lockless was alone the whole time.) World's Greatest Newspaper /// World's Greatest Newspaper
"U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!"
Gwinnett County, Ga.: A jury awarded $3m to the estate of a man who had a fatal heart attack "in the saddle." He was in a threesome with a woman not his wife, plus another man, and the money was because his cardiologist apparently didn't urge him strongly enough not to do exciting things since he had been scheduled for a stress test a few days later. Atlanta Journal-Constitution
The Pervo-American Community
Police in Harvard, Idaho, picked up a 36-yr-old man who allegedly exposed himself at a residence, leaning into a fence and "enticing" the family dog to come lick his genitals. Moscow-Pullman Daily News
Been to the mailbox lately? Police in Canada say the suspected murderer they're looking for claims he has dispatched four more body parts from his victim (after sending a hand to the Liberal Party headquarters and a foot to the Conservative Party's). Luke Rocco Magnotta (his latest alias) is being sought, but he once wrote a book on how to go completely off the grid. The Globe and Mail
Pittsburgh, Pa.: No, no one knows the story, but Yes, indeed, that was a pig wearing a scarf scurrying down a lane on the city's Parkway West on Wednesday. WPXI-TV (Pittsburgh)
Thanks to Geoff Egan, John Beyrau, Sandy Pearlman, Michael Tubbs, and Tony Pappas, and the mighty NOTW Board of Editorial Advisors. (* stolen from Private Eye)