Thursday, June 14, 2012

News of the Weird 2.0
Two or Three Times a Week, Since May 21, 2012

Underreported News, Hand-Picked and Lightly Seasoned by Chuck Shepherd
June 14, 2012
(datelines from June 8 or later) (links correct as of June 14)
Copyright 2012 by Chuck Shepherd.  All rights reserved.

★ ★ ★ ★!

Robyn Sutherland, 27, of Enderby, England, is another one of those "Toddlers & Tiaras"-type moms . . . except . . . her little heavily-made-up Eleanor June has not yet celebrated Birthday Number 2.  "She's such a girly girl," said Robyn.  "She already wears nail varnish every day."  Coming up:  Miss Mini Princess UK.  Mom's bought her 20 dresses and 15 pairs of shoes.  Dad Andrew appears grossed out but, ultimately, whippedWorld's Greatest Newspaper

People Different From Us

U.S. Court of Appeals:  No, Mr. Courtney Royal (serving life in prison in Texas), you cannot have "religious" vampire ceremonies in lockup, no matter how much you allude to "West African spiritualism" and "18th Century Catholicism."  Even if you're the Honorable Vampsh Black Sheep League of Doom Gardamun Family Circle Master Vampire High Priest.  WOAI Radio (San Antonio)

Huffington Post's full-time weirdo chronicler David Moye has now found the 10 people with the most unusual talents, y'know, like squirting milk out the eye.   Huffington Post

"U-S-A!  U-S-A!  U-S-A!"

[No idea.  Take a guess.]  How many of the planet's 6.8 billion people do not live as well as Upper East Side Manhattan (New York City)'s dogs?   BBC News

Funny Old World*

Why?:  (a) Why did magistrates site-visit, in the rain, a beach to help them decide, nine months later, whether Bob Hewling violated poop-scooping law?  No clue.  (2) OK, always better for muggers to work in pairs to steal a purse, but why did they decide it would be better strategy for the second guy to come out of the car's trunk instead of, y'know, the passenger seat?  No clue.   Evening Gazette (Middlesbrough, England)   ///   Atlanta Journal-Constitution

Kalamazoo, Mich.:  Careful . . . when you have a civic contest for the best Caribbean dishes, including jerk chicken.  Careful . . . or people will start referring to the competition as a Jerk-Off.   Kalamazoo Gazette

Atlanta:  The upper-crust play their 18 holes at the tony Piedmont Driving Club, but there was an incident, wrote an attorney-member, with "an array of alleged acts that included public urination, nude golfing, and a trick involving a naked posterior and a poor golf ball that didn't deserve its fate.  It's a safe bet the correspondence was the first the club ever received that contained the words 'butt cheeks.'"  Atlanta Journal-Constitution

Life on the Left Tail (of the Bell Curve)

Gatineau, Quebec:  Two masked men tried to knock off a convenience store.  The owner spritzed one with bear spray, sending him fleeing, and pulled the other one over a counter and spanked him.  Spanked[There's video.]  
[Toronto Sun link broken; story at KBMT-TV (Beaumont, Tex.); video at YouTube]

The Way the World Works

Austin, Tex.:  One state agency tried to rehab a sincere sex-offender trying to get a fresh start; the agency paid big bucks to train him as a barber and get certification.  In short order, another state agency--the one that regulates barbers--made sure the state wasted the big bucks by denying the man a state license.   Austin American-Statesman

Maynard, Mass.:  Municipal officials finally discovered that Timothy McDaid has been embezzling from them for three years . . . mostly in order to pay off the restitution he owed after being convicted of embezzling money at a previous job at an autism charity.  WFXT-TV (Boston)

Editor's Notes

Takeaways (News of the Weird 3.0):  (1) How weird is it that Jerry Sandusky can joke with friends in between witnesses' descriptions of horrific childhood memories?  (2) How weird is it that America is a country ruled by the rich, for the rich, even though the non-rich (10-plus times the number of rich) retain the right to vote?  [Must be that there are powerful--and successful!--distractions being concocted because some of the non-rich actually get indignant and vitriolic when they're asked this question.]  Yahoo Sports (Monday)   ///   Yahoo Sports (Tuesday)

Thanks to Bob Stewart and Sandy Pearlman, and to the mighty NOTW Board of Editorial Advisors.  (* stolen from Private Eye)