Sunday, June 17, 2012

News of the Weird 2.0
(Almost) Daily, Since May 21, 2012

Underreported News, Hand-Picked and Lightly Seasoned by Chuck Shepherd
June 17, 2012
(datelines from June 7 or later) (links correct as of June 17)
Copyright 2012 by Chuck Shepherd.  All rights reserved.

★ ★ ★ ★!

Father's Day Special:  Here [Weird Universe, 5-22-2012, 6-4-2012], and in next week's News of the Weird, Yr Editor dutifully reported on the flowered fatherhood of Desmond Hatchett (24 kids, by 11 different women, in the corrected total reported by the Knoxville News-Sentinel).  Turns out he's only neck-and-neck with fellow Tennesseeans Terry Turnage (23 with 17) and Richard Colbert (25 with 18).  Turnage's rare child-support checks are for amounts like $6 and $9. One of Turnage's baby-mamas said her "knees buckled" in court when she was told that Turnage had not the four more kids he had told her about, but 20 more.  What's wrong with these men women?   World's Greatest Newspaper

Lansing, Mich.:  "[What Rep. Lisa Brown said] was so offensive, I don't even want to say it in front of women," said a male state legislator supporting the newly-passed lockdown on Brown's floor-debating rights.  Brown's transgressive word:  "vagina."  NPR

Bethesda, Md.:  National Center for Biotechnology Information reported that a South Korean woman had become "impregnated" by a squid that bit her cheek while it was wielding his spermataphore.  World's Greatest Newspaper

Dos de Mayo, Brazil:  Four times a year, Adriana Villareal moves into her late husband's tomb for a few days, makes herself at home, cooks her meals, surfs the Web, etc.   Agence France-Presse via Yahoo News

Cincinnati, Ohio:  Charles Marshall, 28, was busted for the fourth time for having relations with a teddy bear in public.   The Smoking Gun

Port St. Lucie, Fla.:  It sounds like a joke, but Barbara Hall was arrested for smacking around her boyfriend after he brought olive oil to their coital bed (at her request).  However, he had also brought PAM spray oil, provoking a question from Barbara and an unsolicited admission by the dude that, yes, in fact, he had had sex with a mutual friend named Pam. (Stuart, Fla.)

Moscow:  Too clever by half were the gay activists who asked for gay-pride festival permits for 2012, and, to embarrass the government, for each year for the next 100 years.  The government (OK'd by a court in this story) then officially banned gay pride festivals 'til 2112.   TV-Novasti (Moscow)

Salem, Ore.:  She successfully scammed state tax officials out of $2.1m in "refunds," given to her on a debit card, but then blew her cover by requesting a replacement card on another account, causing officials to investigate.   KATU-TV (Portland)

Again:  Righteous Buddhists commandeered captive animals, took them to the great outdoors, and released them--a ritual that supposedly rebalances the Buddhists' karma.  This time, it was 200-300 snakes in Hubei, China, and nearby villagers got all un-Buddhisty in their reactions.   Daily Telegraph (London)

Again, and wrong for all kinds of reasons:  Another gal, Miamian Paula Simonds, 44, aka model Lacey Wildd, is grossing out her six kids (two grown, two in high school) by her pursuit of top-five-in-the-world status in artificial boobage (currently, describing herself as an L-cup, enroute to a triple-M).  World's Greatest Newspaper

Again:  The most litigious person on the planet, Jonathan Lee Riches [NOTW M183, 10-10-2010] was released from prison on April 30th and appears to have repented his sins be ready to double-down on court clerks everywhere.  For starters, he's suing the Kardashians for allowing him (in his delusions) to take the falls for a number of their supposed illegal schemes.

Thanks to the mighty NOTW Board of Editorial Advisors.