Thursday, June 21, 2012

News of the Weird 2.0
(Almost) Daily, Since May 21, 2012

Underreported News, Hand-Picked and Lightly Seasoned by Chuck Shepherd
June 21, 2012
(datelines from June 8 or later) (links correct as of June 21)
© 2012 by Chuck Shepherd.  All rights reserved.

★ ★ ★ ★!

Yr Editor is supposed to be on top of bizarrities like this so it's perplexing and humbling to realize that I'm among the last to know:  In Las Vegas, there's a man with 100 lbs. of scrotal junk, and he's walking around (gingerly, but still walking)  The Las Vegas Review-Journal had this story last year (and again now), and I missed it.  Sorry for letting you down.  Las Vegas Review-Journal [Not Safe For Stomachs]
People Different From Us

Miami Beach:  (He might be innocent; to apply justice, check out his mugshot.)  Ronald Rolfes, 31, took furtive clothes-changing photos at the Hooters Int'l Swimsuit Pageant.  (Bonus:  [Cop: Why'd you do it, Ron?]  Ron:  "Man to man [i.e., just between us gents], I did it because I've never had a girlfriend.")   Miami Herald

"U-S-A!  U-S-A!  U-S-A!"

Washington, D.C.:  The economy . . hell in a handbasket.  Federal marketing subsidy for a company that sells glittery styling spray for dogs . . government cash!   The Examiner (Washington, D.C.)

Liberty County, Tex.:  This is a place where a sheriff can raid a home with a judge-signed search warrant looking for the evidence of the 25-30 children that had murdered and buried in the yard--when the only thing even vaguely resembling "evidence" for the search warrant came from a psychic.   Courthouse News

Funny Old World*

Bangkok:  A demure, 23-year-old woman auditioning for "Thailand's Got Talent," turned and, back to the judges, removed her shirt, gooped paint on her chest, and made some "art" on a canvas.  (Bonus:  The female judge walked out hrrrumphing, but the two male judges passed the artist to the next round.)   Daily Telegraph (London) [alas, Safe for Work]    

We've had Christian pro wrestling in the South for years, where the equivalent of Good Ol' J.R. leads the crowd and the grapplers in prayer before the boys flip through their moves.  Now in production, though, is a documentary, "Fight Church," with mixed martial arts guys trying to annihilate opponents like Jesus intended.  Said a pastor: "Jesus was a fighter.  That is the type of Jesus that I would want to serve."  The Week

News of the Weird 1.0

Again:  Mumbai, India, doctor Madan Kartaria developed "laughter" clubs of yoga enthusiasts, positing that sitting there giggling or guffawing improves one's qi.  Now, the High Court in Mumbai, on complaint from one of the less-impressed, ordered a local club to tone down the "aural aggression" their less-happy neighbors are feeling.  Daily Telegraph (London)

Update:  Current stats from a New York City health agency found that 11 newborn males from years 2000-2011 got Herpes simplex from circumcision the combination circumcision-and-blow-job the way some mohelim do it.  Centers for Disease Control

Your Daily Jury Duty
[In America, you're presumed innocent . . until the mug shot is released]:

Gibsonville, N.C.:  No matter what you think, Scott Davenport has only been charged with suspicion of first-degree murder.  WXII-TV (Winston-Salem, N.C.)

Ocala, Fla:  (1) Which one of the 3 came up with the idea in the first place?  (2) Which one took the dump?   WESH-TV (Orlando)

Editor's Notes

It is my duty once again, as with every high-profile acquittal, to remind y'all that, notwithstanding the uber-sloppy media, "the jury" did not decide that Roger Clemens did not lie.  The jury did not rule him "innocent."  The jury only decided that the government failed to leap over the very high bar necessary to obtain a conviction.  Whether he took banned substances remains a matter known only to two people (Clemens and the trainer-accuser).  In this case, no one else in the world can know except for those two people.  That all sports fans everywhere think they "know" is one of the many markers of the sad cognitive state in which we find ourselves.  Thankya, thankyavermuch.

Thanks to the mighty NOTW Board of Editorial Advisors.  (* stolen from Private Eye)