Monday, July 02, 2012

News of the Weird 2.0
Two or Three Times a Week, Since May 21, 2012

Underreported News, Hand-Picked and Lightly Seasoned by Chuck Shepherd
July 2, 2012
(datelines from June 1 or later) (links correct as of July 2)
© 2012 by Chuck Shepherd.  All rights reserved.

★ ★ ★ ★!

Somkul Village, Cambodia:  Finally, a slam-dunk victory for Christianity:  The Jurai indigenous people have given up on spirit-worship and turned to Jesus.  Reason:  The spirits demand too many cows, buffaloes, and trinkets.  Phnom Penh Post

"U-S-A!  U-S-A!  U-S-A!"

Washington, D.C.:  Miniature golf was a simple game . . until Americans With Disabilities Act bureaucrats got hold of it.  New rules govern the slopes of the "fairways," length of fibers for artificial turf, and more.

Washington, D.C.:  Forget tomato-pickers and lawn maintenance people for a minute.  America needs immigrant "geniuses" and those with special skills and has given them line-jumping visas.  That's why Playboy's Miss November 2010 got one.   Reuters

Alexandria, Va.:  Pity the head of the poor Flight Safety Foundation.  The U.S. hasn't had a large jetliner crash in 11 years, which, William Voss says, is terrible.  "If anyone wants to advance safety through regulation, it can't be done without further loss of life [to get the public frightened again]."   Bloomberg News

Mesa, Ariz.:  Sarah Robles is the strongest woman in America.  She could probably juggle two of your scrawny asses.  But Nike and Gatorade and those guys don't return her calls (sending her at times to food stamps) because she's un-svelte, looking like you imagine she looks.

Baton Rouge, La.:  Finally, U.S. job stimulus . . in Scotland.  Loch Ness attractions are expecting a surge now that Louisiana has adopted public funding of Christian fundamentalist schools, whose texts use Nessie as lock-down evidence that evolution is hooey.  The Herald (Glasgow)

New York City:  In monthly gatherings of the Innard Circle, food adventurers explore restaurants that serve body parts you wouldn't dare eat (except the uterus, which they admit they haven't gotten around to).  (Bonus:  The Circle is another pastime of Daniel Okrent, who basically invented fantasy sports.)   Wall Street Journal

New York City:  Bad enough that The 1 Percent have enough money to build mansionettes in their back yards for their dogs.  Worse than that:  Their dogs never go near them; they're just for show.  New York Times

Funny Old World*

Mumbai, India:  A new world record (maybe):  A 5-inch worm, wriggling around the eyeball.  New York Daily News

Sao Paulo, Brazil:  Anything to improve drinkers' aim is good, such as a portable fretboard to lay in a urinal so that, if your stream is strong enough, musical notes are played.  (Yr Editor, at age 67, plays only dirges.)  (Bonus:  In several Michigan counties, federally funded talking urinal cakes were distributed to bars in the run-up to July 4th, with chips telling wasted drinkers to call a taxi . . or an ambulance, considering that you're probably hammered and yet you believe you're being lectured to by a urinal cake.)    The Atlantic   ///   Associated Press via Detroit Free Press  

More Things to Worry About

Vaughn, N.Mex.:  500 residents, two police officers . . neither of whom can legally carry a gun.  KOB-TV (Albuquerque)

Port St. Lucie, Fla.:  A neighborhood confrontation ended with this sentiment (according to the police report):  Robert Gernot, 54, angry that the neighbor had called his mother "a dirty whore," said he'd deal with the man shortly, but unfortunately, right that moment, he had to go take a dump.  (Bonus:  Reporter's Super-Explanatory Journalism:  "Mothers typically do not like being called dirty whores.") (Stuart, Fla.)

Thanks to Sam Dillon, Mark Claxton, and Peter Smagorinsky and to the mighty NOTW Board of Editorial Advisors.  (* stolen from Private Eye)