News of the Weird 2.0
Two or Three Times a Week, Since May 21, 2012
Underreported News, Hand-Picked and Lightly Seasoned by Chuck Shepherd
July 9, 2012
(datelines from June 10 or later) (links correct as of July 9)
© 2012 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.
Miss me yet? I'm fine, thank you, but I now have to read almost everything three times (versus two before that, provoked by my advancing age), and I must reserve my most brilliant spells for my weekly News of the Weird column, which still provides a bit of income. So, I'm back to merely guiding you upon a cite-seeing tour, at least for a while longer.
★ ★ ★ ★!
Somewhere: "Nick" and "Ethan" have formed Virtuous Pedophiles, "many" of whom pose no danger to kids, they say. Just admire 'em at a distance, like art gallery patrons. Sez Ethan: "Almost any group in the world can hold a convention, look out on a sea of faces, and say, 'These are people like me.' We can't." Salon
Raleigh, N.C.: The governor vetoed a pro-fracking bill, but pro-frackers worked to override it. However, governor's allies, led by Rep. Becky Carney, had the veto beat, by one vote--except that when it came time to actually vote, Carney pushed the wrong button, and the veto won. Carney: "Oh my gosh." ABC News (tip: The Atlantic)
Chicago: Win-Win! Chicago has a sky-high murder rate this summer. So, do-gooders sponsored a $100 buy-back for every gun turned in (regardless of condition). Winners: People get $100 a gun. Criminals know that fewer victims will be armed. Pro-gun group organizes hand-ins of rusty guns to fund a youth camp to encourage gun ownership. Chicago Sun-Times
Las Vegas: Can't Possibly Be True! Prof. Tom Kubistant of Western Nevada College ran his Human Sexuality course about like a spittle-encrusted, bottom-feeding pervert would have run it, with minimal academic overlay--at least if Karen Royce's lawsuit is to be believed. (Karen, at age 60, balked at the "required" number of masturbations she had to journalize in order to pass.) Courthouse News Service
New York City: July Special at the Uni K Waxing salon--50% off! (Umm, it's for girls 15 and under.) "If she's going to [bunk] with all these girls [at camp], and she feels insecure because she hasn't taken care of the hair on her lip or her legs . . .." Huffington Post
More Things to Worry About
Miami, Fla.: Quartavious Davis, 20, is still shell-shocked. No prior record, fired a gun only twice, 162 yrs in prison, no parole. (Bonus: Not in Texas!) Reuters via Huffington Post
Myrtle Beach, S.C.: Motorcyclists claim that a county law against doing "burnouts" is an unconstitutional curtailment of their first-amendment right of macho. (Seriously.) The Sun News (Myrtle Beach, S.C.)
Jacksonville, Fla.: The Aristocrat. He buys enema 6-packs at a CVS, uses them, sticks the squirters back in the box, re-seals it, and takes it in for a refund. The Smoking Gun
Abingdon, England: Ever see the movie Snatch? (Spoiler: Two crooks in that movie, just like these guys last week, kept pushing the "pull" door to get away, until they finally just smashed the door open to flee.) World's Greatest Newspaper
Boston: Suspicions Confirmed (though it sounds a little low); A Harvard Medical School study found that about 1 teenager in 12 has Intermittent Explosive Disorder. Boston Globe
London: Once in a while, a magical new research funding magnet comes along. A June article in BMC Medical Genetics ID'd seven genetic markers that contribute to fixing a woman's breast size, and two of them also mark for breast cancer. The money should be rolling in soon! Fox News
Amman, Jordan: Coming Soon to America! Muhammed Shawabka, a Member of Parliament, was TV-debating the Syrian uprising with some guy when name-calling started, then a shoe went flying, then the MP pulled out a gun and started waving it around. (Bonus: This is what's already here in America: Glenn Beck's website treated the news of Andy Griffith's death straight-up. The Comments section, though, reveals that a few of Glenn's fans, wish they could, among other things, spit, tinkle, and vomit on Griffith's grave--for no reason other than that he appeared in a pro-Obamacare ad. And again, this is Andy Griffith they're talking about, not Obama/Biden/Pelosi. ) Los Angeles Times /// TheBlaze.com (tip: JimRomenesko.com)
Thanks to Scott Huber and to the mighty NOTW Board of Editorial Advisors.